The sky actually did fall...

Sorry for being away so long....almost safe to say I have been holding my breath for the several years that I did not write.  Did my life improve? No! And yes...but after much time. They always say truth is stranger than fiction and yes it's so true. If I were to read my blog ( without being me) I would think "wow this woman is making up stuff". I wish I were. I would give anything to be lying about the things that have happened since my last post. Did I lose weight? Another no. In fact I gained three times what I lost. So here I am starting again. Please stay with me. I need my followers...I need to help you and I need to help myself. Since my last post:

1. My oldest son who was in jail got out- went to drug rehab....got out and within 1 month died from a drug overdose. Worst day of my life. My son should be alive. I should die before him. How and why did this happen. My heart has never ached so bad. I have cried a river of tears....I am mad at him! How could he do this? How dare he die and leave me and all his children???? I am sick over this. He died in 2010 on September 6th and I have finally gotten to the verge of sad....so much easier being mad.
2. My daughter in law died of a drug overdose in dec 2010. So yes....my two oldest grand kids lost both father and mother in a three month period. My sadness is of no comparison as to how they feel. My son had 6 children by age 27.  The two oldest are living with maternal relatives. Sonya and Brandon Jr.  Tabitha lives with her mother ( my son and this girl dated about 6 months) I see Tabs three times per year. Then my son had three sons with another woman in Florida. Tyler was 5 when  Brandon (my son died) and 2 younger brothers Christopher and Wyatt. All three boys were taken by child protective services.  The two younger boys were adopted together and I never even got to meet them or hold them. The family that adopted the boys wanted no contact. I adopted Tyler and he is now 9 years old, the spitting image of his father.  
3. My father got stomach cancer - he lives with me as well. He has gone from 220 pounds down to 132 pounds. Trying to have him gain weight is a nightmare especially as I try to diet. I have gained and gained. 
4. My youngest natural son is now on heroin and I am raising his teenage daughter as well. He robbed both me and my father. 
5. My oldest brother has hep c and his liver is failing....he is scared of dying. I am scared of breathing....
 So yes.....my life turned upside down and I gained a whopping 45 pounds. So what do I do now?